SnowGhost Music

After spending a few weeks in my problem solving lab in my very best problem solving labcoat, which also doubles as my problem solving raincoat as a result of previous problem solving, I have figured out how to save the music industry from another slow Holiday season. As is always the case when I am on the case in the PS lab, I first had to identify the problem. It seemed rather obvious to me almost immediately that the reason people do not flock to Target just to buy CDs for their loved ones is not due to the glaring lack of holiday-themed American Idol contestant releases. The obvious reason is that Americans have abandoned the CD as a gift because it does not fit well into a standard stocking.

While a series of self-conducted PS lab tests concluded that it is possible to cram one or two CDs into a stocking, the result is often unattractive in the way a once cuddly python looks bloated and lazy after engulfing a family of rabbits. It also leaves little room for lumps of coal or pennies. My initial solution phase consisted of designing and building a stocking specifically engineered for containing CDs, but the results were unimpressive. My prototype of the CDsock XVI, which consisted of a standard CD case with multi-colored holiday socks cheerfully taped across it, did not make it through the safely hanging from the mantle phase. So I approached the problem from another angle, and within a few short weeks, I finally sipped from the sweet chalice of success.

Or so I thought. After dialing the US patent office to apply for the latest in a long and proud line of patents, I received the crushing news that SanDisk, makers of tiny memory cards, had beaten me to the punch. Not only had they already designed ‘SlotMusic’ (what a clever nod to the CompanyName!), but I later learned that four major labels are in, and so are Wal-Mart and Best Buy. Though my product, TinyTunes, was going to feature tiny illegible text and micro art, I hadn’t figured out that I didn’t need to design a TinyTune player to allow use of my new breakthrough product. All I had to do was simply put an album’s worth of MP3 files onto a MicroSD mini card, sell it for 7 to 10 dollars at Best Buy, and people could stuff it into their cell phone or MP3 player MicroSD slot and rock out. Think of how many you could fit into the sock of a toddler, much less an actual holiday stocking! I could even include a USB sleeve so consumers could import it right into their computer and really notice the absolute lack of sonic difference between their tiny tangible micro card and the music they could’ve downloaded for free from the comfort of their own home. Alas, the genius of SanDisk has already envisioned this grand scheme, and the stocking stuffing war has surely already been won.

It’s really a surprise that the tiny cassettes of the analog answering machine era were never utilized for music. Obviously the size of records and CDs just became too much for people to deal with. They turned to the internet and iTunes for their downsizing and downloading because they simply could not handle the bulk and spatial existence of physical media, especially during the holiday times. Yet they undoubtedly missed the physical presence of something. So SanDisk has saved the day, with music containers so small that we can accidentally wash them in mini-skirt pockets or mistake them for photo cards and stuff them into our cameras. So get ready to stuff the stockings with tiny black plastic memory cards, music-loving holiday shoppers, and prepare to experience musical sound just as mediocre as the MP3s you already have on your iPod! And be on the lookout for the SlotMusic card carrying case, tentatively dubbed the ‘SlotHole,’ now in development in the PS lab.