SnowGhost Music

This blog is the greatest blog ever written. I’ve never read anything so worthless in my life. I can’t believe this website isn’t the most popular site for all true indie rock junkies. The layout of this site makes me want to stab my eyes with chopsticks. I can’t stop listening to this song. I can’t stop hating this song. If this blog has anymore polar examples of strong opinions, I will stop reading immediately as it is insulting my intelligence and/or desecrating a horse that has clearly expired.

Welcome to the exciting and polarizing world of opinion, where everyone is a critic, and everything is up for debate. I’ve been a resident here on Planet Judgment for almost my entire life, and while I may not be the house-egging, mail box-bashing asshole neighbor I once was, I’m always up for a good old-fashioned two cent toss. In fact, I would say that despite my extensive research and exhaustive cataloguing, at least 90 percent of what I write and say is pure opinion. Some people have lots of shoes, some people have lots of money, and some people have lots of pets. I have lots of opinions, and this is healthy because strong emotions regarding whether or not something is great or awful usually mean that somewhere beneath the lavish praise or malicious belittling is passion.

It’s passion that both justifies and exaggerates criticism. (If you’ll notice, I’ve cleverly swapped the word ‘opinion’ with the more official and educated-sounding ‘criticism.’ After all, those on the planet of Academia take part in criticism, not opinionism, which sadly isn’t even an actual word.) Passion, or at least interest, is what draws us to both sides of the critical equation- those of us espousing a point and those of us absorbing it. Without interest we would not bother to make a comment, nor would we likely consider listening to one. Even as you read this you have formed an opinion that either this blog is interesting enough to continue reading, or maybe you’re giving it one or two more sentences to make its point.

There is no new ground being broken here. This blog is fully aware that people really only want to talk, argue, or opine over things they feel strongly about. We only want someone to take a bite, sniff, or a sip if it is astoundingly delicious or astonishingly awful. What is interesting to the blog is not the reason we criticize but the effect it has on its champion or victim, as well as the critic.

The Critic

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been known to be a tad critical here and there, so I understand the emotional release involved in a good praising or thrashing. I hear something or read something that I am interested in, and depending upon the level to which it inspires or infuriates me, I am likely to build some sort of internal response. Music, especially, almost always delivers an instant feeling in me, as well as an instant message. If you were given access to my thought patterns via text messages on your cell phone, you would bury your phone after the 10th comment in 5 minutes on why I hate trumpets in rock songs or how great it is when a song is so short that you must repeat it the moment it ends. Critiquing even the tiniest of details in a song, good or bad, gives me a release.

And sometimes I think that this release, unlike many of my other releases, is suitable for public consumption, if not vital information for the good of mankind. Many people feel this way, as evidenced by the review section (and accompanying comments) of the iTunes store. Check out a review of any of your favorite albums and then refer to the comment section below. Provided the album in question is important to you and at least a few people, you will find out exactly what people think and how badly they want to say it. I did this recently when I was poking around, and I almost spent precious time and hard-earned money just so I could log on and refute a comment and agree with another that Either/Or was in fact the best album of Elliott Smith’s career and that no collection was complete without it. And typing that now puts that opinion out there, and I am somehow just a tad happier.

You should try it. This particular blog is not likely to inspire much passion in you, but let’s say that you’re a Steely Dan fan. You and the other three losers who actually think that prolonged exposure (and by prolonged I mean a period of time exceeding 0.5 seconds) to any and every song by the Dan of Steel is the icing on your rock n’ roll cake might be upset when I mention that they suck. If I said that Fagen and Becker were responsible for some of the lamest music in the history of time, you might even feel inclined to offer a rebuttal. Exposing me as a fool for not understanding the subtle messages on every great song of the masterpiece Aja will probably rock just as hard for your mental psyche as the guitar solo in Kid Charlemagne.

The Victim

And what if you were Steely Dan, only you were just finally getting your name out there, instead of being the rock and roll legends that you so clearly deserve to be? What if there were hundreds of jerks like me out there making solid efforts to alert the music world of your musical crapsmanship? You put out an album that you think is pretty damn solid. The next thing you know it’s getting thumbs down across the board, and because opinions tend to rub off on others, it spreads like a disease to the point where people associate your album with one and a half stars and generally unimpressed listeners. It’s a safe bet that your record sales will not improve. This could depress you into quitter mode, but is equally likely to inspire you to go out and disprove the critics. Chips on the shoulder can sometimes bring the best out in a band.

Or say that you play a live show, and another grumpy critic thinks you didn’t leave enough sweat on stage, didn’t like the obnoxious crowd, or perhaps came prepared to trash you regardless. I’ve actually read negative reviews of bands I liked but haven’t seen and allowed the criticism to keep me from buying a ticket to a show I would have otherwise gone to. I’d always heard that Liz Phair had stage fright and was no good live, and that her last 3 albums were terrible. When she came to my town ten years after I would’ve paid a hundred bucks just to hang out with her for 5 minutes, I almost didn’t bother going. Turns out I had some extra money and nothing else to do, so I went. She rocked, basically ignored her crappy newer material, and Matt Pond PA opened and I had a blast. A few people I know didn’t go because of the criticism. Too bad for them, and too bad for Liz, whose career has basically been shaped by critics both up and down the roller coaster.

The Champion

Now let’s say that you are a Vampire Weekend type of band. A year ago, people had no idea who you were, but now your name is everywhere. While some say that any PR is good PR, there is no doubt in the power of really good PR. If people really like you, they want to tell everyone they know. Some people can be downright evangelical, frantically pushing a song or a band at every opportunity. The resulting wave of interest is what we refer to as a buzz, which is just a few steps below a craze but infinitely cooler. American idol is a craze, and thus will eventually and gloriously flame out, God willing, while Vampire Weekend is a buzz that will glow into a few Rolling Stone covers or dim with the emergence of someone else’s similar and better buzz.

It matters very little right now if I say that VW is boring, unimaginative, and basically unimpressive. The prevailing notion is that they aren’t any of these things, and that people think they rock, and the reviews are almost all good. So they are champions of criticism, owners of buzz, and riders of the epic wave of success. And if you are someone just poking around iTunes or Amazon, checking out some bands that you may or may not have heard about, thinking you may or may not make a purchase, the little reviews may go a long way in influencing your actions. You may contribute to the buzz buy buying an album and adding your own little review, or you might shift the buzz to boos after being utterly disappointed with the album.

Either way, you are contributing. You get the satisfying emotional catharsis of a critical release, and the victim or the champion receives the effect even at the tiniest level. Because all of the buzz and all the fanfare, positive or negative, is simply a collection of individual opinion. And to that end, we are all part of the equation. So next time you have an opportunity, leave a comment, pass judgment, or write a review. You could even start now.